The patriarchy has caused an insurmountable amount of destruction. That's obvious to many of us, but there’s one thing it destroyed that we’re not talking about enough.
Love.
Real love. True love.
The patriarchy created relationships that benefited its values and agenda and kept everyone controlled.
It created the type of relationship where one partner is entitled to whatever they want. They get to prioritize their careers, their friends, their hobbies, and their passions, while the other partner takes care of all the responsibilities.
One partner works endlessly to give emotionally to the other, while the other says they are too tired or their friends are super important, or their hobbies keep them sane. The other partner is just supposed to accept that, leaving no room for them to take care of themselves and no energy to expand into their own identity.
This “more important” partner takes from the other endlessly and gives only breadcrumbs, and then claims that the other is not grateful for the meaningless lack of effort, or for the droplets of water they dripped into the other’s cup from theirs, which is, of course, overflowing.
Neither partner in that relationship is happy because it wasn’t built on true love.
It was built on patriarchal conditioning.
Men were conditioned to believe that they are loved if they are taken care of, but were never taught how to reciprocate because they were taught that vulnerability equals weakness.
They were conditioned to believe that masculinity meant providing, but they were only taught how to go to work and to feel entitled to everything because of the paycheck. They were not taught how to provide emotionally or how to love.
And women were conditioned to do. To do and give and not ask for anything back. We were taught that to love a partner, we had to provide all the care. To cook for them, keep their house clean, and raise their children.
We were conditioned to believe that true love is unrealistic, so we settled for the man who gave us breadcrumbs and wanted to marry us, and we gave everything of ourselves to that person because we were conditioned to.
Both sides of this are things our bodies were conditioned to feel. Even if you know in your brain that it isn't what love is, it's still what you are conditioned to do. How you're conditioned to be in a relationship. This conditioning makes it feel like a battle to be any other way.
But the world is outgrowing this version of love.
This type of relationship keeps women small, suffocated, and dim. It keeps men feeling entitled, yet never truly fulfilled.It keeps relationships imbalanced and painful.
Women are waking up and releasing this conditioning. We see that it gives us nothing but burnout, a loss of sovereignty, and a stripping of our identity. We see that we are better off finding love within ourselves and that we are enough, even if true love doesn’t come along.
So women are leaving. We are choosing ourselves. We have stopped abandoning ourselves for others for the first time in our lives.
And we are happier on our own.
But here’s what I want you to know—our true loves are out there.
That’s what’s next for us. All of us.
True love doesn’t complete us. We are already whole. It’s our job to finally see that. To finally know who we are. To finally find our soul and our purpose here on Earth.
When we do that, that’s when we can finally find true love and happiness with another. That’s when we no longer have to settle, and we can finally have the greatest love story we could imagine.
The one we all truly deserve.
The one that lifts us in our wholeness and amplifies our light instead of dimming it.
This love looks like a true partnership with someone who not only says they support you with words but actively stands beside you as you fight for your dreams.
This love makes sure you are remembering to eat while you hyper-focus on a meaningful project. This love brings you coffee on the porch because you were awake before sunrise, working on your book, and this love feels like home at the end of the day, instead of feeling emotionally abandoned as he escapes to the man cave.
This person’s purpose aligns with your own and heightens it instead of diminishing it.
They want to protect you. Not as the toxic alpha who claims to protect, while being the one you actually need safety from, but as the one who protects the essence of who you are.
The one that protects your light when others ask you to dim it.
And not to be forgotten or overlooked, this person loves to make you come.
They fall in love with you again and again, every time you scream their name, your hair stuck to your face with sweat, your fingers gripping their skin.
And they can’t wait to do it to you again.
It’s not just a romance novel. We crave it because it exists.
We were told it was unrealistic because it meant men had to step up and release all that the patriarchy had turned them into.
The patriarchy spent millennia making sure men were upholding its value system instead of teaching them about true vulnerability, intimacy, passion, and partnership.
And now we are all suffering, including men. Their privilege hides the fact that they have a hole in their life, but it’s there.
And here’s my message to the men—
Women are expanding. We are finding ourselves. Doing the inner work to learn who we are and what we deserve, to release our conditioning, and yes, you are left blindsided. But you can do the work too, and when you do, you’ll fill that hole in your life. You’ll find the person who truly feels like home, not because her being there means you didn’t have to clean, or because having a wife at home makes you “a man”.
Because she’s your everything.
She’s the one you want to worship. The one you can’t wait to make come, her fingers tangled in your hair as she screams your name.
The one you want to stand next to through everything, from coffee on the porch at home to traveling the world as you both follow your wildest dreams.
Together.